in the eye of the storm

I recently moved through a month long wave of depression. it felt like being tossed around by the ocean, like a spirit possessed my mind, and a ghost was living in my body. this time around, the wounds i sorted through involved early childhood experiences that reached far back into my bloodline - patterns I know have been cycling for generations. my psychic channels felt backed up, and rumination dominated my mind. I couldn’t take it anymore, and felt a call to fast for the first time. I had no idea how quickly fasting would help me regain agency over my body and soul. feeling my body’s emptiness opened up space for me to experience my own energy and thoughts once again. it was like being in the eye of the storm. since then i’ve decided to incorporate more intermittent fasting into my life, as well as longer period liquid fasts during the follicular phase of my cycle. 

I’m entering a new chapter in my life where abandoning myself is no longer an option. my external circumstances have been begging me to step forward and stand in full vulnerability and truth, even if it tips the scales of comfort for others. my extreme sensitivities can be very isolating, but nature made me this way and now I have the capacity to alchemize pain into beauty. what a delicate yet powerful responsibility. Like all people, I am imbued with a unique purpose and function in the world. finding how that connects to the larger network of humanity has been a guiding star for me lately. 

Even though I’m not actively experiencing depression like I was last month, I’m still in this process of deep transformation and healing. There comes a turning point, after you’ve felt all the emotions that want to come up, where you feel called to try something new, revealing a path out of your old circumstances. I’ve been sitting with Anger as a teacher and recognizing how fire and destruction can be a precursor to creation. anger leads to action, leading to change… movement. how we move, how we dance through life can enhance the journey in these cinematic ways. i’m really here for the drama and beauty of it all.